The Lost Temptations of Christ

The Devil wore a digital watch.
This is a little known fact.
Jesus was in the wilderness
for 40 days and didn't know
what day or time it was.

Then the Devil showed up
and said: "It's the Sabbath."

And Jesus said: "How do you know?"

Then the Devil showed him his
digital watch and said:
"See you should be in temple."

But Jesus said: "The Sabbath
was made for man, not man
for the Sabbath."

And generations of football fans
yet unborn and un-named gave
thanks for this teaching.

However, the Devil would not
give up that easily.
He whipped out his Blackberry.

"Look at this! It's a combination
telephone, digital time keeper,
personal calendar, and you can
check out your favorite Websites,
and send email and Twitter."

But Jesus said: "I don't Twitter.
I don't email. I don't have
favorite Websites and I keep my
personal calendar in my head."

At this point the Devil saw
a potential sale slipping away, so
he produced a hi def flat screen TV.
"Look you can watch all your favorite
shows in high definition."

But Jesus said: "I don't have any
favorite shows and I already see
the whole world in high definition."

In desperation the Devil took Jesus
to a big box electronics store,
which was a wholly-owned subsidiary
of Hinges of Hell Enterprises, Inc.

There were rows of personal computers,
and all manner of hi def televisions,
and tons of portable mobile accessories.
Everything sparkled like new wine.

"All this plus iPhones yet to be
invented can be yours if you will
just follow me," the Devil said.

"You can't fool me," Jesus said.
"All this will turn to rust and dust,
except for the plastic parts that
will pollute landfills for millions
and millions of years."

"Oh, come now," the Devil replied.
"Surely you could use an MP3 player
to play you some tunes during those
lonely nights in the desert. It's
a great little device. It brings you
full surround sound stereo through
these little ear buds. Try it out.
You can hear all the instruments."

But Jesus looked around the store
and said: "These are instruments
of the Devil. These are the Devil's
own devices of distraction."

Then Jesus walked out of the store,
passing the counter where he might
have applied for easy credit with no
payments due until January 2010.

And the Devil stood there screaming:
"Socialist! Luddite! Environmental
extremist! Anti-American! Killjoy!
I hope I'm not leaving anything out!"

Jesus just kept on walking, never looked back.