What Would Thoreau Twitter?

"Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which detract our attention from serious things. They are but improved means to an unimproved end, an end which it was already but too easily arrived at ... We are in great haste to construct a magnetic telegraph from Maine to Texas; but Maine and Texas, it may be, have nothing important to communicate." -- Henry David Thoreau, Economy, WALDEN: Or Life in the Woods, first published Aug. 9, 1854

There's an old saying that if 40 million people believe in a dumb idea, it's still a dumb idea.

While I am generally fond of new technology, Twitter is a dumb idea no matter how many users it attracts.

After being bombarded by Twitter hype, I went out and looked at the Website for it.

It turns out to be a very simple idea, dumb but simple, which is probably why it is attractive to so many people.

The Twitter user is asked to answer a single question: What are you doing?

While the user answers in a manner similar to email or instant messaging, there is a 140-character maximum, so it avoids the run-on brain dumps that are the bane of email and IM.

There is a video cartoon on the Twitter home page that explains how it works. A skeptical cartoon character first discovers that a friend, who is also a cartoon character, loves baseball. This leads to some kind of epiphany for the skeptical cartoon character.

All this convinced me that Twitter is an ideal means of communication if you happen to be a cartoon character.

However.

For human beings it would seem to be one more trivial pursuit to distract ourselves.

Other examples in the Twitter cartoon suggest that you could let your friends know that you are mowing the lawn or out having coffee.

What are you doing?

Drinking an iced mocha.

What are you doing?

Mowing the lawn.

Certainly drinking an iced mocha or mowing the lawn are noble pursuits but do they deserve to be memorialized on Twitter?

Human nature being what it is, there are probably more intriguing Twitters as day turns into night.

What are you doing?

I'm drunk in this bar and somebody is putting the moves on me.

What are you doing?

I'm letting the grass grow to see if the neighbors complain.

That would not be so noble but might be more interesting.

You might even get true crime stories on Twitter.

Imagine if Lizzie Borden had had Twitter.

What are you doing?

I've taken an axe and given my mother 40 whacks.

And Lizzie's father might also have used Twitter.

What are you doing?

Lizzie's gone postal. I'm dialing 911.

Oh dear.

I also wonder if after the Twitter hype cycle peaks, people won't get tired of answering the incessant question that would border on boorish behavior if a human being was constantly asking it.

What are you doing?

None of your damn business!

As HAL learned in 2001 A Space Odyssey there is a limit to what flawed human beings will put up with from a computer.

So there may be a Twitter backlash.

The self-absorption of the 1980s ME generation led to the slang retort: "Get over yourself."

Some similar fate may yet befall the narcissists of 2009 when they discover that their friends no longer care what the hell they are doing because they are too wrapped up in what they are doing.

At that point, it may be best to follow a more old fashioned methodology.



Get a puppy, who will be infinitely fascinated with whatever you are doing.

But remember we live in an imperfect world, so although you believe your own special self is absolutely fabulous and unbelievably interesting, eventually even your puppy will get bored and fall asleep on you.